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The Wonder Luster

For Those Of Us Whose Dreams Won't Die Between 17 and 65.

Life is wondrous! Feed your lust for life with the tools & inspiration to help make it a great one.

Success Isn’t Linear: When Adulting F*ck Ups Come Unexpectedly

Life Over 30 | January 23, 2018

Messing Up, One Day at a Time

To best sum up how my life is going right now, I share with you a post from my personal Facebook page…..

Screen Shot 2018-01-22 at 4.22.36 PM

Sometimes, when you think you have your sh*t figured out, you really don’t. You find yourself in the home decor section of Wal-Mart, evaluating your life choices and wondering how you got there.

Adulting is like throwing a crazy dinner party. You do your best to plan, but then everyone shows up at once and you have too many things cookin’.

Dinner party freak out

Sometimes, babes, you drop and ruin things even with the best of intentions. Despite your best research on how to balance it all, you simply can’t watch all the burners.  It’s best to always have a backup salad that doesn’t require heating, and plenty of alcohol to make the burned bits bearable. (Can you tell I’m a foodie?)

That is exactly how I would describe how most adults are trying to juggle life – too many things on the burners and too much wine.

House Fail

This all came to light for me in comparing my 30th year of living with my 31st.  When I was 30, I was gearing up to buy the home we now reside in. I was cruising along to my 20% down payment and I had my little Roth IRA that I contributed the max every year. I was CRUSHING IT.

Except at 31, the house buying experience has made me wonder how I’ve even made it this far. It’s not fun to admit this, but owning this damn house has been one disaster after another.

This “dream house” of mine was supposed to be completely move-in ready with a new roof, new floors, new water heater, new HVAC. All of the big ticket items were done. Unfortunately, this adorable little bungalow has proven to be a money pit. While I’m very lucky, I’ve had a monthly series of expensive house problems that started the week we moved in that meant I was pretty emotionally and financially spread thin.

With all of the house issues, I wasn’t paying close enough attention to my new expenses. One giant thing I missed was that my mortgage was set up based on outdated property valuations from the year before I bought the house, NOT its current value, Here I thought I had finally started getting a handle on all this house crap and instead I got a big ol’ bill I wasn’t prepared for. That bill was for a whopping $3,226.

Thusly, in short, my escrow account wasn’t funded sufficiently and I would need to make up the difference in short order. Talk about a kick in the ovaries. Ouchies.

Do Not Pass Go. Do Not Collect $200. You suck.Playing The Mortgage Game

Escrow Account? WTF is that?

For those of you lucky enough not to already be playing the “Let’s Get A Mortgage!” game, your escrow account is essentially a part of your home buying package and thus, a part of your ongoing mortgage.  It’s essentially where your money is held to pay property taxes.

A person walks around your neighborhood and checks out your home  – sometimes from the curb, other times by asking to see inside your home. Literally, that’s how it works. (Ya, I know right?  I will be dumping some trash in my yard if you need me.)

Yes, I know, there are other factors that come into play, like neighborhood values of other homes that are comparable to yours. But all I could think about was how that dream-killing tax person looked at my tip-top container garden and said: “damn, her porch is en pointe. We’ve definitely got to raise her taxes.”

I mean, I’d tax that cuteness too. Patio lemons? 
Mortgage Lemonade

You are required to keep your escrow nice and full to cover your butt for taxes. Remember, the government always, always gets their share. In my case, I missed the key thing: understanding what factors impacted how my escrow account was calculated. 

Unfortunately, my home was valued at a lot in more in 2017 vs. 2016 due to the improvements that were made to sell it. But that was the valuation they pulled into my mortgage, despite the fact that 2017 numbers were available by the time I closed on a home.

Yes, I should have caught this. But in the rush of paperwork, and in the flurry of saving my $52,000 down payment from fraudsters (that story to come!), I sort of glazed over that fact and figured I would be able to handle any tax increases as they came.

Emergency Fund = SO Important

Life does not go as planned. Sure, it’s unlikely you’ll be dealing with a family of skunks, electrical fire damage, improper wiring, and a leaky roof all at once like I did. But that’s why having savings set aside for the knowns and the unknowns is key.

Unfortunately, I will be hit with another tax hike for 2018. Again, if I had crossed my T’s and dotted my I’s to make sure I had the money in savings for these abrupt changes, I wouldn’t be writing this post. Sometimes, though, you have to learn by doing. You can read about the theory of gravity in a book, or you can also expedite that discovery process by falling down a flight of stairs. Hopefully, though, you can learn from me and avoid your own painful flight of stairs.

And HE’S OKAY!!!!!
Falling down the stiars

Hemorrhaging Money

This was one of those posts I wasn’t super excited to be sharing – but the path forward isn’t always a straight line. Sometimes you make strides, take your eyes off the prize for a bit, and realize you’ve broken some stuff. At that point, you can chalk it up to learning and make adjustments with the new data you’ve acquired, stair style.

For the sake of full head-slapping transparency, I was a frugality writer at Frugal Beautiful for 7 years. Yet, in 2016 & 2017, here I was bleeding out money from every pore. Beyond putting 20% down on my home, I didn’t really have a budget or a reason to budget, so I was adrift.

Some expenses were new, like normal house repairs and some not so abnormal home repairs (like finding out half my house had no insulation- and no, the inspector didn’t mention it). But I was also contributing to a new 401k (which is a good thing!) through work, and ramping up our charity project, Virtual Charity Runs.

Virtual Charity Runs Medals 2017

Not to mention, I had made a commitment to be a monthly donor to Planned Parenthood in Texas, the NAACP Legal Defense Fund, Texas Public Radio and a few other worthy causes. I felt I had plenty of cushion in my life and it was time to give back.

Yes, I had a lot of “good” expenses, but I also went on autopilot for some pretty ridiculous things. I had a lot going on, which meant I wasn’t paying attention, nor was I aligned with a bigger vision. These included, but were not limited to:

  • Several subscription boxes, to the tune of over $1000 a year
  • Hadn’t recently assessed my insurance coverage
  • Overpaying for phone service
  • Getting sloppy with meal planning
  • Embarrassing amount of food waste
  • Spending $300 more per year on getting my hair done

There were also a lot of other little things that slowly meant my intentionality was slipping. I fell into a routine of consumption without much thought. I bought more books and paid for more apps. These little things become big things over time, and yet you tell yourself you “simply can’t save any more,” but you’re just not trying. Yup, it can happen to anyone.

Essentially, I was really spread thin, really distracted, and I wasn’t paying close enough attention to my personal spending. Nor was I 100% committed to building an emergency fund back up. It caught up with me.

My assets wouldn’t cover my liabilities and I had made a fatal mistake- I figured I could handle it when the time came and of course, bills don’t care about your personal calendar.

I had now at least $5,000 in bills, knew another tax hike would likely be coming, and had an upcoming bucket list to pay for. And yet I only had about $2,500 in my emergency fund.

Getting Back on Track

I’m going to be honest – I’m learning from this mistake and doing two things I’m really uncomfortable with. My fella has given me an advance on his portion of the mortgage payments *and* I’m using a 0% APR Credit Card to get me through the next 3 months and pay for the attic repairs and insulation we need.

Yes, yes, yes, I hear you. I am not a fan of this either. Hell, I have never been in credit card debt, ever. But, I have a 12 month introductory period with no interest, and I will be cutting expenses after our Europe trip. This will ensure that my $3,000 in credit card purchases are paid off in five months and any cash that my fella fronts to cover the property tax will be paid back in the next four months.

Is it ideal? Heck no. Am I going to hustle? Heck yes. 

I also have another goal: to get my emergency fund back up to sustainable levels. My aim is to have at least $5,000 in liquid savings, at least $1,000 in the property tax slush fund savings account, and get my travel savings to at least $1,000.

I’m also going to be setting aside monthly savings to cover any property tax hikes in the future and ensure I’m prepared. I also know how to contest my property taxes and file for a deduction now, so I’m armed with a new knowledge I didn’t have before.

For some extra cash, I’ll also be doing the following:

  • Selling 6 of my old Kate Spade purses, which will hopefully make me around$500 in income. I have about 3 bags I use regularly; I definitely don’t need 9.
  • We’ve fully booked our spare room out with Airbnb (assuming all things go to plan), which will generate $4,800 in income.
  • I’ve picked up some side hustle writing gigs that will generate over $7,000 in the next 6 months.

Because of these knew, concrete goals, I can still make it work to get my house in working order AND continue to donate to causes that I care about.  I’m getting trained as a volunteer with Planned Parenthood and a local foster care organization, so I can give my time as well.  It feels GREAT to have purpose beyond just financial goals. And I am proud that I have gotten my shit together after a really difficult year.

Because, remember, sometimes you have to learn by first falling down a flight of stairs, but it’s your choice how long you want to stay at the bottom. 

Life is wondrous! Feed your lust for life with the tools & inspiration to help make it a great one.

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Follow the adventure on Instagram

Some people just make the world a more vibrant pla Some people just make the world a more vibrant place, simply by being in it.  I can say that about these people- who make life more colorful, brighter and true just by being themselves. 

Grateful we could slow down to capture a little snippet in time for our family before we grow again. ❤️
IYKYK, bath time edition. 🛁. #bathtime #travelb IYKYK, bath time edition. 🛁. #bathtime #travelblogger #travel #familytravel #travellust
3 years since this photo was taken and my former k 3 years since this photo was taken and my former kidney became this guy's kidney. ❤️

I can say, I've grown to appreciate this moment a lot more as time has gone on.  It hasn't been an easy road for my recipient, he and his family have had a few health scares and ups and down, but I'm so grateful we are in each other's lives.

Chances are, you may know of someone in need of a kidney. 1 in 3 adults in the U.S., over 80 million people, are at risk for kidney disease.  While not every diagnosis leads to kidney failure, there are millions of people in this scary limbo hoping for good news.

I didn't know my recipient before this process started, but when I found I could live healthfully with one, I knew I had to try.  Donation is low-risk, my costs were generously covered by my recipient (both through insurance and the kindness of others) and I was back at work in 4 weeks.  Needless to say, it was easier than birthing a baby.

Candidates for kidney donation are thoroughly vetted to ensure the surgery, and life with one kidney are a good fit.  Trust me, your team will not ask you to donate if you have any risk factor of being in need of a transplant yourself down the road.  Testing took months and was incredibly thorough.  Your remaining kidney can do the job of two, and my kidney levels are normal and healthy 3 years later.

Even if you don't personally know someone who needs a kidney, please consider living kidney donation.  You can anonymously donate, be paired through a registry or find someone on social media who is in need, like I did.  There are literally thousands of people using Instagram and Facebook to try and someone who is even willing to get the basic tests.  You could be their person.  Have questions? I’m here for you! 

Being a living kidney donor absolutely enriched my life beyond imagination and has blessed my little family with a beautiful extended family to celebrate with.  Grateful for this day.
Life’s moments are made better with our pets. ❤️

Joey had been with us for nearly 4 years, made possible by the kind folks of South Texas Boston Terrier Rescue. I picked him up, intending on fostering him for a few weeks and ended up falling in love with his sweet spirit, exuberance for anything food related and his lovable derpiness.

Previously, he was kept in a small cage with two other terriers, all day every day and used as a stud. When he was no longer profitable, he, like plenty of others, was surrendered to rescue.  He was blind in one eye, needed teeth extracted and had skin lesions from life in a cage. 

Life hadn’t been easy for him, but I’m glad a rescue was there to give him a second chance, and they trusted me to give in his second chapter.  He was a well travelled dog and he was the Best Pup on our wedding day in Marfa.  Last night we said goodbye. Hubs and I will miss him dearly, but savor the moments and adventures with our little tank. 

Adopt, don’t shop.  Support your local rescues and give your fur kids an extra squeeze for Joey tonight.
“Is this enough for you?” My husband has asked “Is this enough for you?” My husband has asked me this before. To which, I answer- life is full, wonderful, and I am grateful. 

I believe he asks because before kids, I had a very different lifestyle. I traveled to Europe by myself, started businesses, donated a kidney, ran half marathons, got my master’s degree.  I lived a full life, then too. I was fiercely independent because I had to be.

I’m still that person, but fortunately I have more people to share it with. I also have to be more vulnerable than ever.

I had years to find myself and don’t plan on losing that woman I forged. Being a mom has also helped me heal some of the hard parts of the experience I had with my own mom. (I didn’t see that last part coming.)

Being a mom can make you lose yourself.  For me, it’s helped me discover myself once more. Grateful for this day and so many days - I’m just happy to be here. 

Happy Mother’s Day everyone. I hope you discover yourself, heal what you need and feel the love today and everyday.

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