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The Wonder Luster

For Those Of Us Whose Dreams Won't Die Between 17 and 65.

Life is wondrous! Feed your lust for life with the tools & inspiration to help make it a great one.

When What Blesses Us Stresses Us: How To Make Room For Gratitude In A Full, Crazy Life

Uncategorized | December 6, 2017

Battling Stress With Gratitude

This weekend, my stress levels came to a rolling boil.  I can tell you, it was not pretty.  I was not a nice person to be around, and luckily for the greater population of Texas, I didn’t encounter too many folks and my significant other had his phone tucked away when my pot of rage boiled over.

You see, this past weekend, I was supposed to go to Chicago. It was an impromptu deal, I snagged pretty quickly and the trip was going to be a 72 hour escape from holiday job stress (I work in marketing), the endless list of shit-to-do at home (this house will be the death of me), and really, my state of mind.  It was going to be a welcomed respite from the day to day, and I was highly looking forward to it.

Alas though, it was not to be.  Everything that could go wrong did go wrong- but thankfully for me, Southwest has this amazing policy that if you cancel your flight before it takes off you get a credit, yet that still didn’t remove the disappointment and frustration that lead me to that moment.

You see, we have a foster dog, he’s a French Bulldog and surely, a dog I would keep in my family if only his interactions with my existing canine unit didn’t randomly erupt in a scuffle.  No blood ever comes of it, but this time, our 9 year old Boston Terrier didn’t rebound so quickly.  After we broke it up, he was in downward dog position, and didn’t want to come out of it. Apparently, this is what dogs do when their neck feels ouchie and they can’t tell you.

How Gratitude Combats Stress

This little thunderball has made our home so happy, but he also lead to $550 in veterinary expenses. Happy things are also stressful things.

 

So, after 4 hours at the emergency vet, and a nearly sleepless night, I was exhausted.  At 6am, realizing I had no clean clothes that could brace me for the “chilling winter cold” (it’s 70 degrees here in southern Texas as we speak), and nothing was prepared for our upcoming AirBnb guest, nor was our charity run completely prepped for shipping as planned, it was a complete meltdown. I had to cancel my flight and work on stuff at home.

Yes, I had a big ol’ dose of first world problems, but by Sunday evening, after two hectic days, I finally circled back to grace- though it took some work.

Most of us are running around with a lot of first world stress, but it’s still stress.  I have it better than so many Americans, but have you noticed just like lifestyle inflation causes you to spend more, this inflation and quality of life also sometimes comes with a new crop of stressors to go along with it?

I’m saving for retirement and am debt free, but right now I live paycheck to paycheck.  This house is expensive and I often wonder if I’ve made a gigantic mistake by buying it.  Every month, I spend about $500+ in something to work on it.  The broken things and issues seem to never stop.

There have been a slew of changes at work. My significant person works 12 hour shifts every day and often, 6 days a week. We have a foster dog that spontaneously stokes a nonsensical rivalry with my pug, which lead to my other dog getting injured.

We have been constantly booked up with Airbnb guests, which, while super awesome, also is a juggling act and means that my house is probably the consistently cleanest it’s ever been.  It’s a lot of upkeep for someone who tended to shove things in closet, pile things or simply use the sink as a storage unit for undisclosed amounts of time.

 

Gratitude is the key to being happy. You will always have stress. Stress doesn’t go away, it simply evolves over time.

Being grateful doesn’t make stress go away, but it keeps it from eating your life away like a tumor.

 

Stress is a tricky son of a gun, more blessins sometimes bring more stressins.  That beautiful baby you prayed for is also the reason you’re exhausted.  The job you worked so hard to snag is now what keeps you up at night.  The relationship you’d always hoped for isn’t always going to be romantic bliss and the house that you know is your dream home, brings with it expenses and repairs.  Mo’ money, mo’ problems.

As your stress triggers evolve, your reaction to it needs to as well.

So, how do you respond to stress with gratitude?

First step, stop telling yourself how to feel.

 

The first step in anchoring your stress with a sense of gratitude is to make room for it.  Attempting to minimize your stress usually maximizes it. Simply acknowledging that you feel stressed, even with things that bring you joy or fill your life up, without telling yourself how to feel about it, or forcing it away, will help unwind it a bit, and make room for other feelings like gratitude, peace and calm to find their way back in.

In meditation, we call this “non-judgement.”  When feelings crop up and start to take the wheel of your thinking and driving you to a stressed out spiral, it is key to simply pause, acknowledge your stress without saying whether it’s good or bad, or you should or shouldn’t feel it.  Then you can feel grateful you noticed, and when that calms you down, you can feel grateful you have the ability either now, or in the future, to fix the stressor, and finally, be grateful for what’s going right.

In fact, working on returning to a state of being grateful initially might seem to anger or upset you more, but if you take time to simply stop, breathe, and simply acknowledge, “yes, I’m stressed” without wishing it away, forcing it to subside or ascribing gratitude first before you acknowledge the stress.

After your reactionary rage and stress levels begin to wane when you insist on being still and breathing, you then can make space for gratitude to return and look around to see how wondrous things are in spite of the stressors.

I took a minute in the car to simply breathe, calm down and acknwoledge that I was overwhelmed and that indeed, not going on a trip was a total bummer.  I acknowledged that the stress of an injured dog and the bills to go with it royally sucked. I took time to acknowledge, without minimizing, the feelings in my heart and mind and spend time with them. It sounds hokey, but it worked.

I took a few deep breaths, sitting with the overwhelm, worry, grief and disappointment with all the various factors convalescing in my life.  I sat with it.  It was there, cool.

As I gave my stress space to breathe, and I breathed along with it, it began to lessen.  It was then I was able to think clearly enough to anchor my feelings with gratitude.

Only after acknowledging the crappy stressed feelings I had, could I make room for gratitude and things to be happy about then appeared:

Access to medical care and financial stability to help both me and my doggies.  Is it expensive to be healthy? Sometimes yes.  Am I darn grateful that I have a car to drive to the vet, gas in the tank, a credit card and steady income, also yes.

Running water.  In both hot and cold.  I have so much of it, I can literally fill a tub with it and sit in it.  Access to safe drinking water is a problem for millions of people and I have enough to literally pee and and use to keep my toilet bowl clean.  I literally flush it away.

Temperature control.  Yes, heating and cooling is a hot button issue in this house right now (Our electric work is a nightmare), but I can decide, when things are working, how hot or cold I want my space.

Access to just about whatever I want at any given time.  I can go to the store, and buy a bottle of red wine, out of 90 different types, then when I drink too much of it, there is Advil I can take to get rid of my headache. It’s readily available and cheap enough I have a 200 count bottle ready and waiting.

When my lady parts remind me of my double X chromosomes, I don’t have to fret about it.  I can see a doctor if I need to.  I have heating pads and maxi pads.  I also get to choose when I have kids, if I want kids.  I also have enough disposable income I can donate to centers that help other women with their periods and fertility choices.

The friggin’ internet.  This weekend, after I was done being a petulant child about my nixed trip,  I literally had access to a web of answers to plan out my Instant Pot meals for the week, brainstorm ideas for our how to decorate our master bedroom, videos on how to care for orchids, answer questions about our Airbnb room and stream Christmas movies… and it did not go out ONCE.

The grocery store.  So I got to the store and realized that with this delightful new iPhone update, photos sometimes don’t exist anymore after I take them- so, my entire recipe plan didn’t make it with me to the store.  Wahh.

I then got to come up with a new meal plan that involved a cornicopia of choice that our grandparents would have envied. I literally can have whatever I want- in fresh, frozen, canned, or other shelf-stable forms. Yes, hunger in America is really devastatingly real, but when we complain about things, we rarely think of the real needs that exist today, or the scarcity that existed 100 years ago.

Being Grateful Is The Cure To Stress

My grandmother told me when she was eight in Canada, getting an orange for Christmas was a big friggin’ deal.

Ya, I have a lot less to complain about when I think about that.

Just let that sit for a second. Can you imagine a single orange being the highlight of your year? How long do you wait to peel it open knowing it’s your only one and it’s like, 1926 in Canada?  I find it hard to be bitter when I have the internet in my pocket and I can literally answer that question now.

 

Of course, these silly revelations aren’t helpful at unwinding your stress if you’re using them to minimize or shame how you feel.  Simply sit with your stress, then poke at it.  I assure you, it helps. 

 

Honestly, life is stressful. The very things we long for are the things that cause personal and financial stress in our lives and complicate our lives endlessly.  Homes, jobs, kids, family, spouses, dogs, neighbors- the good stuff can complicate our lives.

I find it’s helpful to both acknowledge, without judgment, that even a stroke of good fortune can cause stress, and then, to allow yourself to find the wonder in the basic everyday things that surround us.

 

Whether you’re having a stressful day or a stressful season, making space for your feelings and allowing room to be grateful without simply reacting to stress, can be a sanity saver. Honestly, no matter how crazy, hectic and stressful our lives are, there can be at least five minutes in your day to breath, acknowledge, examine and then reframe with gratitude.
Stop. Breathe. List the ways things suck.  Give it a “yup!” without judgment. Make room for gratitude.

Life is wondrous! Feed your lust for life with the tools & inspiration to help make it a great one.

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Follow the adventure on Instagram

Some people just make the world a more vibrant pla Some people just make the world a more vibrant place, simply by being in it.  I can say that about these people- who make life more colorful, brighter and true just by being themselves. 

Grateful we could slow down to capture a little snippet in time for our family before we grow again. ❤️
IYKYK, bath time edition. 🛁. #bathtime #travelb IYKYK, bath time edition. 🛁. #bathtime #travelblogger #travel #familytravel #travellust
3 years since this photo was taken and my former k 3 years since this photo was taken and my former kidney became this guy's kidney. ❤️

I can say, I've grown to appreciate this moment a lot more as time has gone on.  It hasn't been an easy road for my recipient, he and his family have had a few health scares and ups and down, but I'm so grateful we are in each other's lives.

Chances are, you may know of someone in need of a kidney. 1 in 3 adults in the U.S., over 80 million people, are at risk for kidney disease.  While not every diagnosis leads to kidney failure, there are millions of people in this scary limbo hoping for good news.

I didn't know my recipient before this process started, but when I found I could live healthfully with one, I knew I had to try.  Donation is low-risk, my costs were generously covered by my recipient (both through insurance and the kindness of others) and I was back at work in 4 weeks.  Needless to say, it was easier than birthing a baby.

Candidates for kidney donation are thoroughly vetted to ensure the surgery, and life with one kidney are a good fit.  Trust me, your team will not ask you to donate if you have any risk factor of being in need of a transplant yourself down the road.  Testing took months and was incredibly thorough.  Your remaining kidney can do the job of two, and my kidney levels are normal and healthy 3 years later.

Even if you don't personally know someone who needs a kidney, please consider living kidney donation.  You can anonymously donate, be paired through a registry or find someone on social media who is in need, like I did.  There are literally thousands of people using Instagram and Facebook to try and someone who is even willing to get the basic tests.  You could be their person.  Have questions? I’m here for you! 

Being a living kidney donor absolutely enriched my life beyond imagination and has blessed my little family with a beautiful extended family to celebrate with.  Grateful for this day.
Life’s moments are made better with our pets. ❤️

Joey had been with us for nearly 4 years, made possible by the kind folks of South Texas Boston Terrier Rescue. I picked him up, intending on fostering him for a few weeks and ended up falling in love with his sweet spirit, exuberance for anything food related and his lovable derpiness.

Previously, he was kept in a small cage with two other terriers, all day every day and used as a stud. When he was no longer profitable, he, like plenty of others, was surrendered to rescue.  He was blind in one eye, needed teeth extracted and had skin lesions from life in a cage. 

Life hadn’t been easy for him, but I’m glad a rescue was there to give him a second chance, and they trusted me to give in his second chapter.  He was a well travelled dog and he was the Best Pup on our wedding day in Marfa.  Last night we said goodbye. Hubs and I will miss him dearly, but savor the moments and adventures with our little tank. 

Adopt, don’t shop.  Support your local rescues and give your fur kids an extra squeeze for Joey tonight.
“Is this enough for you?” My husband has asked “Is this enough for you?” My husband has asked me this before. To which, I answer- life is full, wonderful, and I am grateful. 

I believe he asks because before kids, I had a very different lifestyle. I traveled to Europe by myself, started businesses, donated a kidney, ran half marathons, got my master’s degree.  I lived a full life, then too. I was fiercely independent because I had to be.

I’m still that person, but fortunately I have more people to share it with. I also have to be more vulnerable than ever.

I had years to find myself and don’t plan on losing that woman I forged. Being a mom has also helped me heal some of the hard parts of the experience I had with my own mom. (I didn’t see that last part coming.)

Being a mom can make you lose yourself.  For me, it’s helped me discover myself once more. Grateful for this day and so many days - I’m just happy to be here. 

Happy Mother’s Day everyone. I hope you discover yourself, heal what you need and feel the love today and everyday.

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